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February 9, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. In response to a college student telling Republican presidential candidate Jeb Bush that the 2016 election would be his first time voting, the former Florida governor said, “I want to be your...
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March 28, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Friday, before a spring training game in Arizona, two live bear cubs visited the Chicago Cubs’ clubhouse. Not to be outdone, Queen Elizabeth went 3 for 4 with a RBI for the Royals: 2. The home of...
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April 4, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. The Los Angeles Police Department has confirmed that a knife found on property previously owned by O.J. Simpson is not connected to the 1994 murder case of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman....
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May 25, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new study, letting your baby ‘cry it out’ instead of interfering is an effective sleep training method that does not cause stress or lasting emotional problems for the baby. The study...
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May 27, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Thursday, U.S. health officials reported the first case of a patient with an infection resistant to all known antibiotics. To learn more about this infection talk to the guy coughing on you on...
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June 8, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Burger King is testing out a new menu item that combines a Whopper with a burrito, it’s called the Whopperrito. Here’s how it’s made: 2. A federal appeals court on Tuesday revived a lawsuit in which...
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June 16, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Wednesday, while speaking on behalf of Hillary Clinton, President Obama said his daughters think it’s weird that America hasn’t had a woman president yet. Although, I’m pretty sure they would...
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June 17, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Freddie Gibson, a five-year-old boy in England saved up his birthday money to take his best friend, a five-year-old girl named Dee Dee, out on a first date. Although, I don’t think there’s gonna be...
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June 27, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Last week, England voted to leave the European Union throwing the entire global economy into turmoil. Things are so uncertain that Queen Elizabeth was forced to get a job: 2. In a recent interview,...
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June 28, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Today is Mel Brooks’ 90th birthday. Or, as it is more commonly known, Jewish Christmas, the day our messiah was born. 2. Burger King has introduced a new menu item called Mac & Cheetos which is...
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July 1, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. This week, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump gave a speech at a Pennsylvania recycling plant in front of a giant pile of trash. Said Chris Christie, “I’ve been called worse.” 2....
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July 13, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich said, if he were asked by Donald Trump to be his running mate it would not be am automatic yes. Presumably because he’d have to finish chewing the hoagie in...
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July 15, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. According to a new NBC poll, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has 0% support among African American voters in Ohio. And, if anyone knows something about zero black people, it’s NBC: 2....
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July 26, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Monday night, First Lady Michelle Obama spoke at the Democratic National Convention. But don’t worry if you missed it, you can catch all the highlights during Melania’s next speech. 2. President...
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August 4, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. On Tuesday, Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump said he always wanted a Purple Heart. And, from the look of these pictures, he’s only one more clogged artery away: 2. A golf course in...
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August 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Eric Trump appeared on CBS This Morning on Tuesday and defended his father’s ongoing feud with the family of veteran, saying, “What I think this country needs is a fighter.” And you’ve need seen...
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September 22, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump said on Wednesday he would consider using “stop-and-frisk” policing methods to cut crime if elected. The person he’d put in charge, you guessed it,...
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October 19, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Earlier this month, a man in China was forced to call the fire department to help him unattach a handful of magnets that he had clamped to his penis. “Well, at least something’s still attracted to...
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November 11, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Yesterday, President Obama welcomed LeBron James and Donald Trump to the White House. The handshakes were very different: 2. Yesterday, President Obama welcomed LeBron James and Donald Trump to the...
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December 5, 2016 – Monologue Jokes
1. Merriam-Webster dictionary said, as of right now, the word of the year for 2016, which is based on number of lookups, is ‘fascism.’ Presumably because ‘WHATTHEFUCKISGOINGON!?!’ isn’t a real word. 2....
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